Charity Football Match I

On Sunday the 20th May 2007 The Warriors stood toe to toe with Henderson Sports A at Hornchurch Stadium in aid of the Bobby Moore Fund for Cancer Research UK. A highly contested football match played with as much beauty as the Chief WAG Lady Joanne - fantastically gorgeous game. A match where the Brentwood Sunday League Division 1 Runners Up 2006/07 over came their rival Warriors 5-2 to win the coveted Charity Match Cup.

The day started very brightly with good old David Braine BBC weatherman extraordinaire advising that the day was going to be a scorcher; good news for the potential supporters, not the best for the players, Vaseline was going to have to be a must……..With that in mind some members of the Charity Match Team arrived at the Stadium nice and early to start the preparations, Rob kitted out the massive Home changing room for the Warriors while Danny squeezed himself into the Away changing room, who said size doesn't matter?

With the Raffle & Auction Prizes ready and Tony & Sylvie (aka Mum & Dad) along with Sam manning the turnstile all was in place. One by one both sets of players started to arrive; most of the Henderson players donned the pitch to get a feel for the surroundings while Rob frantically tried to stop some of the Warriors taking to the Bar, a place where Brad the Gaffer and Alex the Event Mascot had already taken up residence. An hour before kick off both teams were out on the pitch warming up, proudly wearing their Biz Image Promotions 'Bobby Moore Fund 2007' t-shirts (as seen above). Henderson's went through the paces with some very professional warm up techniques while The Warriors seemed to some what saunter round the pitch, very relaxed, very laid back with some members ogling the Nandos tent and others the arrival of the Hammerettes.

Come match time both teams and officials stood ready at the Stadium entrance, while on the pitch the Junior Hammerettes entertained the 200 plus supporters with their excellent routine.

When all was ready the event's top notch PA Len 'Max' Anderson started the intro - An instrumental version of The Release's 'Daisy Chains' was played while the two teams were given a fantastic reception. While the Warriors wore their marketed white and blue kit Henderson's went for a red and black number, a changed strip to what was promoted, but hey they look good so we didn't mind. Both teams were lead out by the officials - Rob Higgs, Tony Lovett & Danny Pullen and subsequently lined up in front of the Directors Box, Warriors one side and Henderson's the other. This was so Pauline Bennett from Cancer Research UK and Event Co-ordinator Denise Kestler could meet the players, just like a real cup final - how professional are we?

The Warriors

(Back Row) Kevin Matthams, Lee Read, Tom Maton, Mark Stapleton, Rob Sullivan, Carl Gilbert, Paul Klein, Paul Durant, James Evans.
(Front Row) Richard McAllister, James Rapley, Simon Haggett, Gareth Sparrowhawk, Dave Cullen, Liam Kelly, Tom Downes, Brad Jarvis.

Henderson Sports 'A'

(Back Row) Ricky Prior, Richard Kelly, Kris Graham, Danny Jacks with mascot Sean Jacks, Steve Mason, Martin Fox, Russell Connor, Keith Hills, Karl McPherson.
(Front Row) Micky Shea, Chris Jacks, Jack Brennan, Micky Shea Snr, Alan Tindall, Stuart Gander, Paul Maynard.

With the formalities complete the Captains met in the semi circle for the official toss, also present was Henderson's mascot Sean Jacks. The Warriors did have a mascot but little Bobby Sullivan was in dyer need of a nappy change, lucky Chief WAG Lady Joanne was on hand. True to form Danny won the toss and The Warriors had the kick off.

Right from the off Henderson's seemed to dominate, winning the majority of the aerial battles, linking up with each other well and using the space of the pitch to its full potential. You could tell straight away these guys had played along side each other for a long time while The Warriors, who some of the players had only met that day seemed to take their time getting out of the traps. Henderson boys Micky Shea and Stuart Gander had the upper hand in the centre of the park while Chris Jacks and Jack Brennan caused all kinds of problems down the Henderson's left; and it was from the left the opener came. Stu Gander played a one two with Chris Jacks isolating the Warriors immense right back James Evans, this resulted in Tom Maton having to come across from centre midfield to cover. Gander then evaded Tom's tackle (oh'er Mrs) and crossed in a fine ball where Kris Graham escaped his marker to hit a first time volley. The ball rattled the cross bar, came back out, unfortunately hit Simon Haggett the Warriors stand in keeper on the back which resulted in the ball rolling into the goal. I suppose technically the goal could have been classed as an own goal but as Kris got booked for his celebrations we'll give it to him - Kris exposing his top half to the crowd.

With the score 1-0 after 15 minutes or so suddenly the Warriors came to life. Brad Jarvis (The Gaffer) made some key changes with Paul Klein, Paul Durant and Tom Downes coming into the midfield and Richard McAllister into attack - this move seemed to spur on the team with the likes of Dave Cullen really being able to push forward to join the attack from midfield. Suddenly The Warriors were more competitive and the back line of Danny Jacks and Keith Hills could be stretched. Then the equaliser - Tom D picked up the ball on the Warriors right, weaved some football magic past a couple of Henderson boys including the Team Captain Danny Jacks, who might I add was literally left on his backside after Tom cut inside him. Then with a sweet left Tom beat keeper Steve Mason at his near post - fantastic goal.

With the Warriors upbeat could anything destroy their momentum? The answer was yes, his name was Martin Fox. After the equaliser Henderson's made a change bringing on Martin, nicknamed 'The Greyhound' - A striker with awesome speed. With ten minutes to go until half time and after Simon Haggett had pulled off possibly the save of the match the ball was knocked over the Warriors Defence for Martin to latch onto; now the problem was that with the Sparrowhawk tightly marshalling the defence some would say Martin was at least 5 yards offside, controversial to some I'm sure. When the ball was kicked our young linesman started to raise his flag but quickly changed his mind, even Martin almost stopped thinking he was off but like all predator strikers if there's no whistle you play on. Martin then took the ball round Simon the Warriors keeper to slot the ball home for Henderson's - 2-1. Our referee Mr Rob Higgs checked with the linesman and after a quick discussion confirmed a goal.

Then more frustration for The Warriors. Again a ball was put through the Warrior defence for Martin to receive but this time the pass had been slightly over cooked giving Simon a chance to clear, but with Martin steaming in there was a collision which resulted in Simon breaking his toe. Although injured Simon would see the half out without being able to take goal kicks; Simon would also be on hand to see Tom Maton suffer a broken nose and mild concussion after colliding with his own team mate Lee Read. Not the best ten minutes for The Warriors.

The half time whistle blew with the score 2-1 and two of the Warriors unable to continue. So while Brad and Rob formulated a new plan the supporters and players enjoyed some fantastic half time entertainment with West Ham United's very own Hammerette's.

As the second half kicked off The Warriors had employed the services of Lee Slaney'deputy'dog to take up position between the sticks. We would like to thank Lee for being the stand in to the stand in goal keeper as he was only meant to be a supporter on the day. Also making his cameo appearance was James Rapley who received a huge cheer lead by his lovely girlfriend Sarah, some may say it was only Sarah who cheered but I'm sure thats not the case Rappers.

From the off it was again Henderson's who started the brighter of the two teams with again Kris Graham, Alan Tindall and later Paul Maynard causing all kinds of problems for Sparrowhawk and Sullivan - the heart of the Warriors defence. Micky Shea was awesome in the middle of the park while Stuart Gander and Paul Klein had their own private battle - Jack Brennan weaved his footballing wound on the left and seemed to effortless get the better of some of his opponents. At the other end the young talent that is Liam Kelly battled hard against veteran Micky Shea Snr & Mr Cool Karl McPherson while his strike partner Kevin Matthams was again being marshalled by Danny Jacks.

And mirroring the first half it was Henderson's who scored first, a real end to end goal. It started with a Warriors corner cleared by Danny Jacks up to the half way line and a waiting Kris Graham. Kris held it up and waited for support which came in the form of Alan Tindall. Alan burst down the Henderson right and with a well timed pass beat the offside trap. As Alan approached the area he looked up to see Jack Brennan sprinting down the middle, with a perfectly weighted pass Jack beat his marker Rapley to the ball and slotted it past Slainey to make the score 3-1. With Jack beating Rapley it was sweet revenge for an earlier outrageous foul.

Brennan slotting home Henderson's third leaving Rapley on his back side and Slaney appearing to run into the goal post.

Again the goal gave The Warriors a kick up the proverbial. The action seemed to be pretty much at one end with the occasional break from the Henderson boys. Steve Mason the Henderson Goal Keeper had to be on hand a number of times as The Warriors pushed to get back in the game - Richard Kelly and Keith Hills were making some breath-taking challenges while Ricky Prior covered the entire pitch as Mr Hyperactive really turned on the juice.

Then came more controversy. The Warriors had a free kick outside the Henderson's area, Carlos beautifully curled the ball to find Tom Downes who netted his second goal, or so we thought………As you can see from the below photo the ball is crossing the line with Mason left flat footed and Danny & Keith in between the goal and Tom - This goal was alleged to be offside and therefore duly disallowed. As you can see the photo may say otherwise - surely an injustice on the Warriors had been committed.

Like gentlemen The Warriors put the disallowed goal behind them and carried on the push. Sparrowhawk continued to marshall the defence with James Evans pushing into the middle to replace the injured Rob Sullivan. Carlos and Liam caused havoc with Henderson's defence who seemed unbreakable while the colossal battle between Shea, Gander, Klein and Cullen continued.

Question - How do you take the perfect corner? Lets ask Carlos……….

Place the ball gently within the corner area, maybe caress it softly………

Like a golf swing strike the ball with a follow through motion using the instead of your foot - only dust should be left……..

From there the ball should loop over the flapping goal keeper and bypass the man on the post resulting in a fantastic goal - You may now celebrate with your team - Well Done Carlos.

So with ten minutes to go The Warriors were trailing 3-2. At this point an important decision had to be made by the Gaffer and Captain. Do you keep it as it is and hope to equalise or do you go for it and push an extra man upfront leaving three at the back? Needless to say to the horror of the tiring Warriors back line the decision to go for it was made. Lee Read joined the attack leaving Evans, Sparrowhawk and McAllister to spend the next ten minutes stretched to their capacity. With every break that Henderson made you could see the defence really start to hurt - even adding Mark 'Steptoe' Stapleton into the fray to give protection wasn't enough with Henderson's notching up two more goals to finish the Warriors off.

The first came via some inspirational football from Kris Graham. Sensing the defence were tiring he jinked his way past a couple of players stopped and then tried to beat them again - The below photo's show Kris's build up and shot while being hounded by Evans and Stapleton. But what you don't see is the ball hit the post come back out and hit Slaney on the back before entering the goal - so again technically another own goal, but if we don't give it to him he'll only moan.

The final goal came moments before time - Liam Kelly was fouled in the Henderson half, but to no whistle from the ref. As Danny Jacks performed a few kick ups to kill some time before the deserved free kick could be taken the referee yelled 'play on' - With that Danny launched the ball down field towards the pounding Martin Fox who beat a flat footed defence to lob the keeper to net number five.

Overall the match was played in good spirits with both teams playing fair in the name of charity - Henderson Sports A were worthy winners on the day and it was a honour to see them lift the Charity Match Cup, which now sits proudly on the Trophy shelf at Henderson Sports and Social. A constant reminder of a great day out; but you can't not help to ask the questions what would have happened if the disallowed goal stood and The Warriors didn't encounter any injuries…….. but hey lets not dwell.

After the match Pauline Bennett was again on hand to present the medals and trophy to the players and officials. Not only did Henderson's win the day but one of the players was crowned Man of the Match with the award going to Micky Shea. It wasn't all bad for The Warriors with Lee Slaney winning the Neville Award in Footballing Excellence for receiving a yellow card within minutes of entering the pitch - what for I hear you ask……..well ask Lee……..

When all was said and done regarding the match the Hornchurch FC clubhouse then hosted the event raffle and more importantly the auction where I think all were astounded by the money raised. More memorably was James Rapley and Simon Haggett's battle for the Fabio Cannavaro signed Real Madrid shirt - I think Rappers was victorious spending £150 in the end which was marvellous. On the day including monies raised from sponsorship and on the website we made a fantastic £4,455.00 and with other funds still to come in the big 5 grand could be possibly reached.

On behalf of the Charity Team I would again like to thank The Warriors, Henderson Sports A, Hornchurch Football club (special mention to Max), Pauline Bennett from Cancer research UK, Alex our Mascot (Homer Simpson), Our Photographers Garry and James, our sponsors, Darren from Nandos, Julia & the Hammerettes, everyone who donated on line and everyone who took part and turned up on the day. Also a huge thank you to the guys at William Hill for all their fund raising efforts - Well Done. Below are some more photo's from the event………… Marvellous……….

The Warriors

The Warriors squad is primarily made up of players who donned the infamous shirts of the Southend Sunday League Division 7 Champions 2002/2003 - Dionysus FC, (that's right, Division 7). The team was formed back in 1997 and spent many a year producing exquisite yet unrelenting football right up to the clubs retirement in 2004.

Joining The Warriors are a couple of new faces from the local area and beyond i.e. Leicester and Oxford. Bringing a mixture of footballing expertise and youth to what was a well oiled machine.

From the sidelines the team will be mentored by Elm Park's finest Bradley Jarvis. With this fusion of football knowledge and experience the door to Henderson Sports vulnerabilities should surely be unlocked.

1) Simon Haggett - The Midwife is the Ex-Great Britain's Disco Champion, his right foot is the 'playmaker,' his left is the 'fury', sit back and watch him dance. Why is he called 'The Midwife' - because he always delivers.

2) James Evans - Maverick had his nervous system removed at the age of 5 & feels no pain. A rock hard defender who has a knack for scoring superb own goals. The Tank is as hard as nails and just as easy to hammer.

4) Gareth Sparrowhawk - Oxford born & breed and the fans favourite, plays a good game, talk an even better one. The definition of Sparrowhawk in the Oxford Dictionary is Filthy Ornithologist, quite apt for Gareth.

5) Lee Read - During his Dionysus FC days Lee was so versatile that at one time or another he played in every position, no wonder his Mrs was always smiling. After a few years in retirement the question is can Lee still perform? Well Lee, can ya?

6) Tom Maton - The Ginger Warrior plays football like he drives his cars, Fast and Furious. A crucial member of the Charity Match Team who designed the events website.

7) James Rapley - Until his Cruciate Ligament injury the man could have made it all the way to the Ryman Leagues. Rappers is the team's modern day version of George Best, last on the pitch and first in the bar. Watch out for his cameo role during the game - it's gonna be awesome.

8) Paul Klein - This good looking midfielding marvel has been plucked from the grasps of Henderson Sports in a Dick Dastardly kinda way. For a chance to meet the likes of Shea, Gander, Brennan and Rolls on the battle field he would gladly don the Warrior shirt.

9) Liam Kelly - Liam maybe the youngest player in the team but he brings with him what Wayne Rooney brings to Man Utd - minus the temper, the attitude and the love for the older lady.

10) Kevin Matthams - In all Fluff's years of 'prolific' goal scoring no one has yet to see a speck of mud on this man (hence his other nickname - 'Teflon'). With a tendency to keep a low profile during most matches will he get down and dirty on the big stage?

11) Mark Stapleton - Mark's vision and nose for the game was legendary in the Southend Football Leagues, let alone his gift of scoring with his shins from 30 yards. A great harmonist in the Dionysus FC pre match sing-along.

12) Paul Durant - Mr Durant is a respected Senior Implementation Consultant by day and the South of England Kerplunk Champion by night. Paul comes into the squad to add some international flare, he's from Wales isn't it.

13) Tom Downes - Tom comes into the team late in the day due to injuries and with him he brings some real girth into the squad. A very exciting player who demands perfection - welcome Tom.

14) Carlos Gilbert - Gilberto is a formidable striker and one half of the Buttylicious boys. His reputation in Leicester is renowned, and I'm not talking about football, Mum's lock up you're daughters.

15) Dave Cullen - The other half of the Buttylicious boys is this man, Dave 'The Midfield General' Cullen. The Ladies love him and men want to be him, especially Jack from Henderson's……very worrying.

16) Richard McAllister - Into the fold comes this man about town, Richard 'Bobby Magoo' McAllister. Mr Magoo steps into the firing line as cover for Mr Rapley and brings with him his own brand of footballing talent. His club team mates refer to Rich as Roberto Carols, not Carlos but Carols, oh dear……

17) Rob Sullivan - The Beef returns to play his old team after a season of rugby, for everyone's sake we hope he does not forget what sport he's playing……NB For god sake keep him away from the Nandos tent!!!!!

The Manager

Bradley Jarvis - Brad has come straight out of the Ron Atkinson school of Football Management, so look out for the sheepskin coat, the spray on tan and jewellery to make Mr T proud.

Out Through Injury

Brett Robins - The Grizzly Bear is back between the sticks. A proverbial mountain of a man who has an uncanny way of injuring himself nearly every time he steps onto the pitch, keep you're fingers crossed for him that he remains fit throughout the game.

Henderson Sports 'A'

Henderson Sports A has been around for many a year, currently home to a fresh crop of players eager to match the accomplishments of past legends; they find themselves with the prospect of playing their trade in the Premiership of the Brentwood & Chelmsford Sunday League having won promotion in each of the past 3 seasons. Much of their most recent success can be attributed to the high levels of team morale and work ethic instilled in each player by the motivator himself, manager Russell Connor. A man of few words, he preaches, "do as I say, not as I do".

With a star studied side that boasts ball skills and creativity throughout, Henderson's pose a threat to any side providing the players have had their sleep the night before.

With a tendency to self-destruct, a chance to play on the big stage in this charity event could be the making or breaking of this historic local club.

The Players

1) Steve Mason - a.k.a. 'Flapper' - Has an unhealthy obsession with tigers, some say that his razor like reflexes are down to the fact his ancestors WERE tigers. Sharp witted and a loveable rogue, Mason prides himself on Spurs...............shame. Has a few tattoos and possesses an incredibly short fuse!

2) Richard Kelly - a.k.a. 'Monkey Boy' - Antoine Siberiski's body double with Marco from Big Brother looks, Kelly is our Mr Versatility, can play anywhere badly. When not under the influence of alcohol Kelly can be a threat from set pieces and a threat to those around him with his flatulence. At 28 he is at his peak, plays with effortless grace, creates almost at will and strives to improve those around him, so expect big things from our bald headed eagle...he inspires the uninspired.

3) Chris Jacks - a.k.a. 'Dennis the Menace' - Arguably the most talented player on the side, harbours an impressively short temper, and has a penchant for girls with the name Kerry. The better looking of the Jacks brothers, Chris will astound viewers with his cultured left boot and amaze onlookers with his obvious defensive frailties and his side parting - Chris, tell us the Taxi story again.....classic. One To Watch

4) Micky Shea - a.k.a. 'Chewbacca' - Nicknamed Jesus, not because he's our saviour, but because of the hair. Attempts the 'Cruyff Turn' up to 75 times in a game, fearless and wise beyond his years. Watch for his deceptive pace, looks to be going really fast but in actual fact isn't moving at all. He is our midfield general and portrays this with his constant moaning and groaning at others...also, cannot shoot for toffee.

5) Keith Hills - a.k.a. 'The General' - Controls the ball most efficiently with his groin, Hills commands the team from the back with an iron fist. A true clubman, loved by his team mates and loathed by the opposition, often wears ripped jeans. His significant other oozes class and sophistication...so that Keith doesn't have to. Vice Captain.

6) Danny Jacks - a.k.a. 'Ladyboy' - The eldest of the Jacks brothers, Danny spends half the match on the floor wincing in pain, but the other half he spends sitting at the back with strikers in his pocket. A fierce tackler (he reckons) watch for his famous shout DANNNNNNY'S!!!!!!.....and then watch him miss it. Has gravy coloured chest hair, and we feel this adds to his character, Warriors beware of this gravy train if it get's up a full head of steam. Captain Fantastic.

7) Karl McPherson - a.k.a. 'Fonzie' - Mr cool himself, smokes because he thinks it makes him look cool, a committed tackler and always willing to lay down his body for the cause, often too eager to lay down a loveable character who is as versatile as he is hairy. Comes in a close second to the Manager for Hairiest team member.

8) Stuart Gander - a.k.a. 'stingray' - Gander has great ball control but unfortunately has been unable to control his hair recently, goes through more dodgy styles than Becks, but without half his style. A likeable character, survived a stingray attack last summer! Poses no goal threat whatsoever, so expect more creation than finishing from this midfield giant, forms a great partnership with Shea in the middle, they both never move out of the centre circle.

9) Alan Tindall - a.k.a. 'Milky bar kid' - Plays his football with an air of grace that we all respect, although misses so many chances that the respect soon dwindles. Pale as a ghost and with his deep voice is as scary as one! A natural born goal scorer (self proclaimed!!) he thrives on scraps and has a knack of being in the right place at the right time.

10) Paul Maynard - a.k.a. 'T-REX' - Speedy attacker, run's like a T-Rex but that's where the similarities with the pre-historic animal ends. Good-looking man who melts ladies hearts with his mesmerising stare and his laid back demeanour. Could be the catalyst to a Henderson's resurgence should it be required, can carry a team on his well formed tanned shoulders. Don't let his receding hairline fool you.

11) Jack Brennan - a.k.a. 'Frodo' - good dribbler, always looks to take on defenders but only with his left foot. Has his full license to roam about the pitch and play in any position. However, Jack has a mullet with curls and has actually been sent off for kissing members of the opposition. Furthermore, Jack loves to be the joker (especially in the shower, watch out Warriors - very worrying).

12) Martin Fox - a.k.a. 'Greyhound'- Faster version of Peter Crouch, also does a mean robot dance. Loves the gym and tight t-shirts he opts to score more difficult goals than the easy ones. A lovely fella who will keep running all day long. Lacks a first touch, often decides to skip straight to the second one, a flamboyant boot wearing, fast sprinting goal machine. Beware of our running man

14) Kris Graham - a.k.a 'Kevan'- Has the best middle name in sporting history...Kevan, a 25 yr old who knows what he wants every time he steps out onto the pitch, that's victory. Is an English Del Piero, dangerous with the ball at his feet, for the opposition and for his team mates. As unpredictable as he is charming. A lethal combination. Prone to ridiculous niggling injuries, watch for his creative flair, you'll have to look VERY closely.

15) Micky Shea Senior - Sexiest Grandad in Henderson Social Club, he is also the one to run the eye over any new girlfriends, sometimes his eye lingers a tad too long but this is seen as an endearing trait. A midfield general, he insists on striving to achieve perfection within every aspect of his life, in the showers, he holds his own and doesn't look out of place, much like on the pitch. Another of our integral cogs Shea Snr is a jocular character with an infectious personality and a zest for life that is admired by us younger players and his contributions never go unnoticed. Micky (real name John) is Father to Micky Shea, confused? Yeah you are..... Looks good in jumpers. HALL OF FAMER

16) Ricky Prior - a.k.a. 'Mr Hyperactive' - The baby of the team, Ricky sports a washboard stomach and a unique running style! This results in him being a dangerous player to have on our side. Is maturing more with every game and will no doubt thrive in this big match arena, at 18 he is our youth system.

The Manager

Russell Connor - Rumour has it he was in the running for the England job, but has opted to stay and finish what he started with Henderson's. Achieving extraordinary levels of comical formations, laughable tactics and outrageous team selections. He says little, but his actions speak louder than his words ever could, he demands respect from his players and in return he gets the necessary results. League winners possibly for the 2nd season running, our Jose Mourinho.

The Henderson Legends

On stand by and waiting in the wings to don the Henderson colours are two true legends off and on the pitch. Meet the Vets who are the backbone and spirit of Henderson Sports.

Gary Zuber - Don't let his penchant for pockets in his shirts fool you, Zuber is a fierce competitor and THE integral cog in the Hendersons machine, he makes us tick, his organisational skills are second to none, he is the only member of the squad to wear briefs, he showers with the boys whether he has played or not and that embodies the spirit throughout this team, if one person gets dirty, we all shower. A great guy to have in our squad and in the clubhouse, is ever present at our team functions and is the longest serving member of the Hendersons squad. Our Main Man. HALL OF FAMER

Gary Prior - Possibly the tallest of our squad Prior brings an ethusiasm to the side that no other can emulate, with his chequered shirts, fondness of a drink and exotic food, Prior remains at the peak of fitness should the call come. Insists that his 'bully' approach in training is done to toughen us younger players up, and after the odd fall on the concrete under Prior's 'supervision' he get's his point accross. A lovable character always wearing a smile on his face he is another who loves to shower with the team and we all appreciate him for being so open with us. Gary is also the proud father of Henderson's Mr Hyperactive Ricky. HALL OF FAMER

Out Through Injury

Tom Rolls - a.k.a. 'Boring' -Team player? This guy...isn't one! His attendance record is poor. Lacks style and flair yet his range of lacoste and adidas tracksuits make up for the aforementioned. Tom's an electrician, and in a way, he is the insulation to our wiring. Yet as with some insulation, it can smother you, get itchy and gross you out, that's Tom all over.